Friday, August 6, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Stupidity/Unemployability Index Measuring
This is how you measure your stupidity/unemployability index (simple diagram below -- line up a ruler w/ your waist)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Bits of Wisdom
Objectivity is not virtuous enough a quality that you should sacrifice your humanity for it. Have an opinion, and state your claims...don't worry about being right or wrong. If you don't wake up in the morning, scratch, spit, and think that your team is going to win the World Series this year, then you aren't a true fan.
Note: The Atlanta Braves are going to win the World Series this year!
You can fit 6 DVD's into a single disc DVD player. My children taught me that (as many of my friends actually know).
I don't know what NASA was using for those falling foam tiles in their attempts to stick them to the the Space Shuttle, but the strongest substance known to man is the melted crayon on the floorboard of a Kia Sedona....worth a shot.
Neal Boortz: All men have the same amount of testocerone. Some just choose to use theirs to grow hair. Their choice. (Couldn't agree more Mr. Boortz.)
Goats think it's raining if you spray them with a water hose. Stubborn goats that refuse to go back to their stall will do just that in a rain storm.
You accelerate MUCH faster downhill than uphill.
Note: The Atlanta Braves are going to win the World Series this year!
You can fit 6 DVD's into a single disc DVD player. My children taught me that (as many of my friends actually know).
I don't know what NASA was using for those falling foam tiles in their attempts to stick them to the the Space Shuttle, but the strongest substance known to man is the melted crayon on the floorboard of a Kia Sedona....worth a shot.
Neal Boortz: All men have the same amount of testocerone. Some just choose to use theirs to grow hair. Their choice. (Couldn't agree more Mr. Boortz.)
Goats think it's raining if you spray them with a water hose. Stubborn goats that refuse to go back to their stall will do just that in a rain storm.
You accelerate MUCH faster downhill than uphill.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Picture of American Government Today!
The World According to Democrats
Democrats' Promises (only works on people who like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga and vote Dem)
The Way Things REALLY Are
The Way Democrat Promises Will Turn (Are Turning) Out
Any questions?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Why won't this car move, and how can we fix it?
Please look at the simple illustration below. The question to answer is why won't this car move? How can we change this? See the answers below.
Democrat: The car won't move because of George W. Bush. We should hit the pedal harder!
I'm sorry, Mr. Democrat. That is incorrect.
Republican*: The car is out of fuel, so hitting the pedal is pointless. Fill the car with gas.
This is correct! You see, you can't spend your way out of debt, and you can't create wealth by creating disincentives for productivity anymore than you can make an empty gas tank propel a car by slamming the gas pedal.
*note: a 3 year old child could also get this answer correctly, as long as he/she has not been taught to think like a statist Democrat.
I'm sorry, Mr. Democrat. That is incorrect.
Republican*: The car is out of fuel, so hitting the pedal is pointless. Fill the car with gas.
This is correct! You see, you can't spend your way out of debt, and you can't create wealth by creating disincentives for productivity anymore than you can make an empty gas tank propel a car by slamming the gas pedal.
*note: a 3 year old child could also get this answer correctly, as long as he/she has not been taught to think like a statist Democrat.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Best Summation of Kagan's Hatred of the US Military
If you watch this and still support Kagan for the US Supreme Court, I'd recommend having your doctor order a good CAT Scan of your brain...because something must be seriously wrong there.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Cause and Effect for Dummies (and Governments)
Cause and effect for Dummies.
Normal People Version
Cause --------------> Effect
Government Version
Effect <-------------- Cause
Monday, June 28, 2010
Presidential Choices and You! A Scenario Based Quiz for Pres. Obama
Mr. President,
Welcome to the 2010 edition of 'Presidential Choices and You.' Now that you're the president of the United States you will be faced with various challenges and pressures both domestically and on the world's stage. So, please read through each question carefully, and mark your answers clearly. Let's begin.
1) Let's say you are faced with an epic oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that is causing an environmental disaster the likes of which has never been seen in the United States. The governor of one of those southern states sends barges out to assist with the cleanup effort to suck up as much oil as possible. Do you:
a. Praise the governor for taking the initiative and assisting in the cleanup effort
b. Offer to let the governor run the cleanup effort, since he's getting things done
c. Send the US Coast Guard out to stop those bastards before they get any credit!
2) Suppose that you have an open border to the south of the country, and many millions of people are illegally invading your nation. While the legal immigrants improve our society through hard work and a solid business sense, illegals often engage in human-trafficking and illegal narcotics. One border state decides to assist you by delivering illegals to your door step to make your job easier. Do you:
a. Praise the governor of the state for taking the initiative and assisting our nation's security
b. Offer to put the governor of the state in charge of ICE since the current director said he won't do his job even if illegals are put on his door step
c. Sue the hell out of that state before they screw up your chances in 2012!
3) You are arriving at the G20 Summit in the midst of what can only be called an international financial meltdown of Great Depression era proportions. Upon arrival do you say:
a. "The United States is committed to helping to solve this fiscal crisis immediately."
b. "I look forward to working with the G20 leaders on this extremely urgent issue of our time."
c. "Any good golf courses around?"
4) You have $10. You owe $9.50 to your debtors. Do you:
a. Pay the $9.50 and stop spending money you don't have.
b. Earn more money by reducing the burdens on businesses through lower corporate taxes, which would allow you to pay off the debts more quickly.
c. Extend a new line of credit with a new debtor for a higher interest rate, maxing out the credit immediately, while simultaneously burdening the businesses of the United States, thereby reducing your overall revenues, not pay the $9.50, and pass the bill on to a new generations of Americans.
Thank you for taking this brief quiz. It seems that you have chosen "c." for all of your answers. I'm afraid this is incorrect. We would have accepted pretty much anything except for "c." in these three scenarios. Please review your presidential manual and re-take the quiz in November.
Welcome to the 2010 edition of 'Presidential Choices and You.' Now that you're the president of the United States you will be faced with various challenges and pressures both domestically and on the world's stage. So, please read through each question carefully, and mark your answers clearly. Let's begin.
1) Let's say you are faced with an epic oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that is causing an environmental disaster the likes of which has never been seen in the United States. The governor of one of those southern states sends barges out to assist with the cleanup effort to suck up as much oil as possible. Do you:
a. Praise the governor for taking the initiative and assisting in the cleanup effort
b. Offer to let the governor run the cleanup effort, since he's getting things done
c. Send the US Coast Guard out to stop those bastards before they get any credit!
2) Suppose that you have an open border to the south of the country, and many millions of people are illegally invading your nation. While the legal immigrants improve our society through hard work and a solid business sense, illegals often engage in human-trafficking and illegal narcotics. One border state decides to assist you by delivering illegals to your door step to make your job easier. Do you:
a. Praise the governor of the state for taking the initiative and assisting our nation's security
b. Offer to put the governor of the state in charge of ICE since the current director said he won't do his job even if illegals are put on his door step
c. Sue the hell out of that state before they screw up your chances in 2012!
3) You are arriving at the G20 Summit in the midst of what can only be called an international financial meltdown of Great Depression era proportions. Upon arrival do you say:
a. "The United States is committed to helping to solve this fiscal crisis immediately."
b. "I look forward to working with the G20 leaders on this extremely urgent issue of our time."
c. "Any good golf courses around?"
4) You have $10. You owe $9.50 to your debtors. Do you:
a. Pay the $9.50 and stop spending money you don't have.
b. Earn more money by reducing the burdens on businesses through lower corporate taxes, which would allow you to pay off the debts more quickly.
c. Extend a new line of credit with a new debtor for a higher interest rate, maxing out the credit immediately, while simultaneously burdening the businesses of the United States, thereby reducing your overall revenues, not pay the $9.50, and pass the bill on to a new generations of Americans.
Thank you for taking this brief quiz. It seems that you have chosen "c." for all of your answers. I'm afraid this is incorrect. We would have accepted pretty much anything except for "c." in these three scenarios. Please review your presidential manual and re-take the quiz in November.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
The VP from Mild Amusement to Anger
Joe Biden during some interview or something...and he knows the microphone is off, too.
Cutting in front of him in line. -- Oooh that irks Joe Biden.
Shouting, "Hey Dick Cheney!" as a bystander. -- Man that really ticks off Joe Biden.
Strolling around in a clown suit on a unicycle behind him during a photo op. -- Man, this guy is a real a-hole to Joe Biden!
Asking Joe Biden to lower your taxes. -- WHAT THE HELL?! THE VP VERY ANGRY! AAARRRRGGGGG!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Closet Liberal Litmus Test
You all know one, a closet liberal. He's all "I'm moderate, not liberal" but you can smell past the smug sense of superiority. Here's a demonstration of the Closet Liberal Litmus Test, which I've developed and I now share with you here...free of charge! Enjoy.
Closet Liberal Litmus Test...works every time! ;)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Lessons in Driving
Advice: Don't speed. Just go the speed limit. You aren't in that big of a hurry, trust me.
I get a speeding ticket about once every 10 years...that means I have 2 speeding tickets. I don't usually speed, but sometimes I just lose track of how fast I'm going. This ALMOST happened again last night. Picture it...Colorado Springs last night. It's a calm and balmy 77 degrees, around 8pm, as the sun sets over the Rockies off in the distance. I'm driving down a 2 lane highway (speed limit 65mph), and I'm doing exactly 69mph...close enough (don't judge me). Anyway, as some of you know, as I have unfortunately admitted to it publicly, I hear the Knight Rider theme song in my head in treachorous driving conditions. Remember that last night, however, was a nice clear evening. So I'm driving along and I remember that I ACTUALLY HAVE THE KNIGHT RIDER SONG IN MY CD PLAYER (I made it for my kids, ssshhhh). So I think "I should play it" (wrong, I should not play it, I should not play it EVER when behind the wheel of the vehicle). I go from a tame regular guy driving my Jeep to something that looks like this (below) to other drivers:
Just when I started getting crazy, and putting the pedal to the metal, my spidey senses tingled.
So, I realized I'm not 17 years old, and I removed my foot from the pedal, and just set the cruise control for 65mph, and made it home safely without incident, without a speeding ticket, and with my dignity....like a champion.
I get a speeding ticket about once every 10 years...that means I have 2 speeding tickets. I don't usually speed, but sometimes I just lose track of how fast I'm going. This ALMOST happened again last night. Picture it...Colorado Springs last night. It's a calm and balmy 77 degrees, around 8pm, as the sun sets over the Rockies off in the distance. I'm driving down a 2 lane highway (speed limit 65mph), and I'm doing exactly 69mph...close enough (don't judge me). Anyway, as some of you know, as I have unfortunately admitted to it publicly, I hear the Knight Rider theme song in my head in treachorous driving conditions. Remember that last night, however, was a nice clear evening. So I'm driving along and I remember that I ACTUALLY HAVE THE KNIGHT RIDER SONG IN MY CD PLAYER (I made it for my kids, ssshhhh). So I think "I should play it" (wrong, I should not play it, I should not play it EVER when behind the wheel of the vehicle). I go from a tame regular guy driving my Jeep to something that looks like this (below) to other drivers:
To me, however, it sounded like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo8Qls0HnWo
Just when I started getting crazy, and putting the pedal to the metal, my spidey senses tingled.
So, I realized I'm not 17 years old, and I removed my foot from the pedal, and just set the cruise control for 65mph, and made it home safely without incident, without a speeding ticket, and with my dignity....like a champion.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Realization
The stages of sudden realization...applies to 1) being a soccer fan or 2) realizing that winter in Colorado sucks.
Episode One: Attack of the Liberals
"Why does the Republican party suck?" -- Anomymous
I don't know. Why does your FACE suck? I didn't say this would be a mature blog ALL the time. ;)
"Who dat say they gonna beat dem Saints?" -- Saintsfan49
I should really advertise better. :/
I don't know. Why does your FACE suck? I didn't say this would be a mature blog ALL the time. ;)
"Who dat say they gonna beat dem Saints?" -- Saintsfan49
I should really advertise better. :/
Friday, June 18, 2010
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